


hit me over the head i've been wanting die for a while

by plague0witch



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Euthanasia, Hinted fontcest, Hospital, Implied Papyrus/Sans, POV Second Person, Post-Pacifist Route, bedridden sans, falling down - Freeform, not Undyne/Papyrus or Sans/Alphys, sans is falling down, take it however you want idc, they're friends - Freeform, wrong diagnosis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 15:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10193060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plague0witch/pseuds/plague0witch
Summary: You're right here.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking into euthanasia for something personal, and this is the result of that  
> I believe euthanasia is ethical as long as it is done properly and with consent of either the patient and a person close to them or if the patient is unable to consent, just that person

            euthanasia:  
                1. a quiet, painless death.  


                2. the intentional putting to death of a person with an incurable or painful disease intended as an act of mercy.  


 

   You don’t want to lose yourself. You think you are, you think you’re slipping. Everything is so fast. Everything is so slow. You’re tired of this.  
   Your brother, he’s by your side every single day. He talks to you a lot and likes to hold your hand. His own is usually really stiff, tight. It sort of hurts but you let him hold it. Sometimes he sits next to you and presses you against him, and it’s nice, because your body is cold.  
   He likes to pull you into his lap and you feel so much warmer when he does. You can feel him so well and it’s nice, and you want to tell him that it’s nice but your mouth never really opens. A woman always ends up telling him to get off of you but when he lets go you reach out for him again. He doesn’t seem to notice.  
   Then it’s back to the tight hand holding or petting your head. You like that, too. Sometimes he has to leave and you’re bathed in suffocating isolation. It seems a lot more silent without him, too. You hate it. He always comes back eventually.  
   Alphys comes around sometimes. At first she’s afraid to touch you, but eventually she warms up and wraps her hands around yours and pets it, sort of plays with your fingers anxiously before she realizes what she’s doing and stops. You want to tell her it’s alright. You don’t get a lot of touch lately.  
   She talks to you but only when she’s alone with you, says that she knows you can hear her. She says she knows very well that you can feel what she’s doing. You say you don't know why you wouldn’t. She never answers.  
   Undyne comes in, too, always with Papyrus. She doesn’t talk to you. She yelled at Papyrus when he did, and you wanted to snap back at her for the first time. Your brother looked so sad. She left with him really quickly.  
   After Undyne first shouted at him, he had started leaving you more. Alphys liked to come in when he wasn’t there, probably because she was so nervous, and sit in his spot. She would hold your hand and stroke your head soothingly and you would lean a little closer and she looked happy about that.  
   Sometimes women and men come in and look over you, humans whose faces you don’t recognize. They’re oddly cold looking and when you ask who they are they don’t answer.

   Papyrus is back. Today he’s sitting in bed with you, and he helps you sit up, keeps his arm around you. You like it a lot. He rubs his chest and doesn’t quite look at you, but he’s as lively. Today the topic of conversation is your brother’s least favorite food: sushi.  
   “It’s so gross,” he says, and looks at you a little with disgust, but he looks away again too fast. “You’re so gross. You and Alphys. She tricked us and dragged Undyne and I to a restaurant, and she found one despicable enough to only serve sushi. It’s disgusting!” He pauses and nearly smiles at something. “Okay, well— Undyne hates it even more than me and it’s kind of funny, because Alphys kept getting her to try it. There were a bunch of rolls with crab in them that Alphys was forcing on her. She’d say ‘it’s not fish’ but Undyne would just— glare at her, and then Alphys would get upset, and then Undyne would eat it to make her happy again.” He lets out a little laugh, the kind you really like that makes your stomach light, his defined cheekbones flushing slightly. “At least you don’t do that with me.”  
   He’s peering at you again, sheepish. “She… Alphys got me to try ones without fish in them. They weren't— that bad, I guess.”  
   It brightens your day a little to see him arguing with himself internally. He really doesn’t want to like any sort of sushi. Maybe he thinks it’ll cheer you up if he does. Either way, it's pretty funny.  
   But then his voice dies off and his teeth press to your head. He leans down, rests your foreheads together, and his voice is nothing more than a whispered breath; “can’t you just say something?”  
   But you are, you are. You tell him it’s alright and still he just looks more upset, and you want to reach out and wrap your arms around him, but you have to coo to him when he starts crying. He pulls you up against him slowly and presses you to his chest, rubbing his hands up and down your back. Your arms lay, limp at his sides. It almost feels like you’re all there.  
   He’s still crying when he pulls away, and his tears drip onto your cheeks. You feel them running down your chin. You find yourself immensely, immensely alone.

   Papyrus looks especially miserable today.  
   He sits with you, and he talks softly as his voice wells up every time his voice gets any louder, cracking and making him breathe hard. His arms are wrapped around you, tight, holding you. He keeps kissing your head and rubbing your back as he speaks.  
   “They said you’re in a lot of pain right now,” he whispers. “They say that yeah, you can— you can feel everything and see everything. But you’re… you’re constantly hurting. I don’t want that for you.” He stumbles over his words a little.  
   “So they’re, they’re terminating the— the…”  
   He chokes up and holds you tighter, and again, it sort of hurts. His grip is really tight.  
   “They said it's called mercy killing,” he breathes. “I di… I didn’t want to have to resort to that, but it’s been so long and nothing is changing. I’m sorry. I hope it’s what you want.” His voice gets quieter, a breathy, quiet sob. “I think it’s what I would have wanted you to do.”  
   He keeps holding you, and petting you, speaking in that soft voice that dissolves into little hiccups and whimpers every now and then. But then he leaves.  
   You want him to stop leaving you.

   They take you into a new room.  
   They look like they’re getting something ready. There’s a sharp sting somewhere, but it fades quickly, and you can’t really tell where the pain was. Judging by the fact that it felt like it was everywhere and nowhere, it was probably your soul.  
   Oh.  
   Your brother stands by, practically in Undyne’s arms, turned into his best friend but still looking at you. Staring. You stare back.  
   There’s the start of an odd sensation, slightly chilly, spreading through your body. Your brother lets out a wet noise that sounds like a sob, and you want to rush over and tell him it’s alright. Somebody like Papyrus doesn't deserve that kind of distress. You watch as your fingers twitch.  
   You’re pretty sure a little gasp escapes you when you feel a harsher, stronger cold, and then suddenly you’re going numb. You instantly want it to stop. You—  
   You can’t feel. You can’t feel and now you can't see you can’t see

 

  
   you can’t think.

**Author's Note:**

> To clear up some things:  
> -when Sans says he is moving or talking, he isn't. "Leaning closer" to Alphys is more like his body/hand twitches.  
> -This is basically what I feel like "falling down" could be. I have a lot of different variations  
> -No, there is no romance between Sans and Alphys implied. Platonic love  
> -No, there is no romance between Papyrus and Undyne implied. Platonic love  
> -Undyne thinks Papyrus is hurting himself by believing that sans knows what he's saying  
> -It's up to your interpretation of the doctors were lying about Sans being in pain. They could have diagnosed him as something that he wasn't and thought he was in pain when he wasn't, or it could prejudice and hate against monsters because that will obviously be a thing on the surface, but I like to think that doctors are more trustworthy than to lie about Sans' condition and kill him.  
> -Yes, Sans dies at the end  
> Any questions lmao


End file.
